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ONLY AT CLARITA'S BEACH BAR
 
CLARITA'S 2018 SUPER BOWL WEEKEND Feb.1 - Feb.5, 2018

The 2018 Miss Clarita Contest will be held February 4, 2018, AT 1:00PM, 2 hours before the start of Super Bowl LII at
 
Clarita's World Famous Beach Bar
Jaco, Costa Rica


Yes, 2 hours before Clarita's 7 Superduper Large screen TVs broadcast Super Bowl LII, women 18 & older from all over the World will compete on Clarita's Beach, in Clarita's Swimming Pool, and through Clarita's Bar for the prestigious title of----Miss Clarita, 2018.
 


Past Miss Clarita's have hailed from Nicaragua, Columbia, Panama, Costa Rica, California & Louisiana.
 


This year's talented winner will receive a $300 cash prize, all the cheap tequila she can drink and a 1 year pass to Clarita's private baño. While the winner must pass a steroid test, contestants may utilize plastic or silicon props.

Anyone drinking or eating in Clarita's Beach Bar on Feb. 4, 2018, will be allowed to vote for Miss Clarita 2018. . . including him!
 


The voting will be closely monitored by our special guest, Sheriff Joe of Jaco:
 


And there's more! To Kick off CLARITA'S 2018 SUPER Super Bowl weekend, Clarita will host her WORLD FAMOUS JUEVES Beach Party with $2.20 ICE COLD Bottled BEERS on Thursday Night  7 - 11pm (Feb.1), her KICK BUTT KARAOKE/Free Tequila COMPETION Friday night (Feb.2) and her LOIN THROBING Latina Musicale Group (that means Salsa baby) Saturday night (Feb.3). So bring your dancing shoes darlings!!!!!!!
 
Will you be at CLARITA'S World Famous Beach Bar to cast your vote . . . . . .
or will you be home alone, on your couch, in sweats, wondering . . . . .Why didn't I Go???
 


At last year's contest, patrons emptied their left pockets and raised $845.00 for underprivileged school children in Jaco, Costa Rica. All contributions were used to buy books and school clothing for those Jaco school kids who can't. Therefore, put your drinking money in your right pocket, your feel good money in your left pocket and when you arrive, Please Empty Your Left Pocket for the kids!
 


Dun Worry . . . . . Be Happy and get Waco in Jaco
 
ONLY AT CLARITA'S BEACH BAR

CLARITA'S 2018 SUPER BOWL WEEKEND

February 1 - February 5, 2018,

Video of 2012 Contest & Miss Clarita 2012 Jessica Burris!

 
The 2012 Miss Clarita Contest raised $915.00 for Jaco's needy school children. CLARITA THANKS ALL WHO PARTICIPATED & CONTRIBUTED!
 
Miss Clarita 2011


Alissa from Orotina, Costa Rica

For video highlights of the 2011 Miss Clarita Contest click the image below:


The Miss Clarita Contest is held every year before the Super Bowl to raise money for underprivileged school children in Jaco, Costa Rica. These children are in need of money to buy books, school clothes and shoes, knapsacks, paper and pencils and dictionaries. On Super Bowl Day 2017, through the generosity of Clarita's patrons, $800 was raised for the children. Clarita and the children thank each and every contributor.

 
Start Spreading the Word

Miss Clarita 2013 Is Coming----

 
What About You???


 

Les Presentamos Señorita Clarita 2010



Introducing Miss Clarita 2010


Angélica - San José Costa Rica

Runner up


Erika - Republica Dominicana


Angelica prevailed over 15 other contestants from 7 different countries to earn the title Miss Clarita 2010.

In route to her stunning victory, Angelica was able to correctly apply the Pythagorean Theorem to a story problem (posed by an enthusiastic judge from the near by Beatle Bar)
 


.......all while wiggling under a limbo pole!
 


The over flow, star studded crowd at Clarita’s World Famous Beach Bar rose to their feet in ovation as Angelica was crowned Miss Clarita 2010.
 
   


Even the King of Rock & Roll attended the coronation!
 


After receiving her crown and the $300 first place prize, Miss Clarita 2010 was off to Washington D.C., where she will lobby the U.S. Congress to include plastic surgery in the newest version of its Health Care Plan.
 


To see many, many, many more photos of this year’s contestants and their performance check out Clarita’s new face book page at Claritas Hotel Jaco Beach and become a friend of Clarita.

On a serious note, the Miss Clarita 2010 contest raised over $800 in donations for underprivileged school children in Jaco Costa Rica. All of the donations were used to purchase school uniforms, shoes, school bags and supplies for those children in Jaco who need a helping hand.

   
   


Clarita and the children thank all of you who attended the contest and donated their time and money to a most worthy cause…. children and education. Gracias y Pura Vida!!!!
 
February 7, 2010 Means only 1 Thing

Your Miss Clarita Contest


This Annual Exhibition of Beauty over Brains will be held….Where else??

At CLARITA’S WORLD FAMOUS BEACH BAR in Jaco, Costa Rica, Sunday, February 7, 2010, at 2:00pm---just 2 hours before the Super Bowl is aired live on Clarita’s 7 Superdooper Large Screen T.V.s!!

Will this year’s Contestants surpass the intelligence and beauty of previous years????
 


Will they be able to get wet in Clarita’s new pool without drowning??

As usual Clarita expects an overflow crowd to attend and judge this seminal event (which qualifies for 2 hours credit at Harvard University).

Behind the scenes, an anonymous friend of Clarita has been working feverishly to guarantee the attendance of world renowned intellectuals and aficionados of great beauty.
 




  

        

  



Will you be at Claritas World Famous Beach Bar mingling with the stars and trying to hit on the contestants??????? or . . . .

Will you be alone in your living room wondering……..
 


You know what you have to do!
 


At last year’s contest, patron’s emptied their left pockets and raised $1400.00 for underprivileged school children in Jaco, Costa Rica. All contributions were used to buy books and school clothing for those Jaco school kids who can’t.

Therefore, put your drinking money in your right pocket, your feel good money in your left pocket and when you arrive, Please Empty Your Left Pocket for the kids!
 
 


Dun Worry . . . . . Be Happy and get Waco in Jaco at
CLARITA’S BEACH BAR
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2010
 
 
If you promise to keep the ending a secret, you can take a sneak peek at this year’s
2009 Miss Clarita Contest

 

By the By, this year’s contest raised $1400.00 for Jaco’s underprivileged school children.
Thanks to all Contributors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES, SHE CAN!!!!!

Despite, or in spite, of the upside down economy, Clarita will host the 2009 Miss Clarita Contest on Sunday, February 1, 2009 at 2:00pm. That’s 2 hours before the Super Bowl is shown live on the 7 Superdooper Large screen TVs at Clarita’s World Famous Beach Bar.

Yes, the world’s most intelligent and perty (that’s redneck for ‘pretty’) women will:

drink, dance, swim, & solve differential calculus equations (after drinking)………….. all for the prestigious title of Miss Clarita 2009!

The contest will unfold at Clarita’s World Famous Beach Bar and in Clarita’s brand new aquatic center…… also known as Clarita’s New Swimming Pool. The multi-talented winner will receive a key to Clarita’s private baño, all the cheap tequila she can drink, and a $300.00 cash bailout.
 

Past winners holding each other up!

YES, YOU CAN!!!

You can attend, judge and even enter the contest for
FREE !


Last year’s contestants came from high and low places across the globe to compete for the coveted crown.
 
 
 
I’m the one from high places.

Wow, I’m gonna be gettin Waco in Jaco
 
Me tooo!
 
YES, THEY WILL!!

On a more serious note, two of Clarita’s dearest friends, who are looking for work, have graciously agreed to serve as honorary judges for this year’s contest.


 
At last year’s contest, patron’s emptied their left pockets and raised $1000.00 for underprivileged school children in Jaco, Costa Rica. All contributions were used to buy books and school clothing for those Jaco school kids who can’t.

Therefore, put your drinking money in your right pocket, your feel good money in your left pocket and when you arrive, Please Empty Your Left for the kids! (that’s so you won’t go dipping in there after your right pocket is drained).
 
 
Dun Worry . . . . . Be Happy and get Waco in Jaco at
CLARITA’S BEACH BAR
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2009
 
Miss Clarita Attends Economic Summit
Associated Pressing



Washington-------This past week world finance experts met in Washington to discuss coordinated actions to ease the economic crisis melting the global community. Clarita selected Miss Clarita 2008 to attend the conference on behalf of the thousands of Claritaitos throughout the world.

At the conclusion of the conference, Miss Clarita 2008 addressed the international press and announced the sweeping steps taken by Clarita to ease her constituent’s economic fears and uncertainties. Roughly translated Miss Clarita 2008 said:

“As the world is aware, Clarita has always opposed higher taxes and prices. Increasing taxes and prices at this critical time would be like eating an open ended taco topped with salsa, while driving and wearing a white shirt……….. it would create a big, biggg mess!”

“Clarita also realizes that when one is on vacation there is nothing more important than cheap cold beer and an inexpensive, clean, ocean front room.”

“Therefore effective pronto (immediately), Claritas Beach Hotel, Bar & Grill will not only freeze its beer . . . . it will also freeze beer and ac room prices! All Costa Rican Imperial & Pilson beer prices will remain in the deep freeze at $1.85 per bottle tax included.”

“Additionally, the price on Clarita’s air conditioned, beach front rooms will be frozen at $80 per night, tax included, throughout the High Season Dec. 8--April 30, 2009.”

“Any attempt to offer more money for rooms or beer will be rejected by Clarita!!!!”

Miss Clarita 2008 ended her press conference with:

“Gracias mis Claritaitos y besos por todo el mundo.”
Results of 2008 Miss Clarita Contest
Jaco Beach, Costa Rica
(Click here for Video highlights)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmQ8Mmq396Y

 


Larry King proclaimed: “Folks that was the closest contest since Gore v. Bush 2000”







Vince McMahon angrily conceded: “There’s no way Wrestlemania can top that.”







John Madden exclaimed in amazement: “After the sudden death Tequila Drink Out it was a miracle any of them were still standing.”





Yes, the 2008 Miss Clarita Contest left everyone at Clarita’s World Famous Beach Bar stunned, drooling, intoxicated, itching, or both!





Try as she may, Clarita’s Ice Cold Beers, Asesino Chicken Wings & Suckulent Barbequed Ribs could not distract the 1000s in attendance from the greatest spectacle on sand!





Under the scorching sun of Jaco Beach, Costa Rica, 13 of the World’s most intelligent and talented woman battled it out in Pole Dancing, Wet Tee Shirts, The Limbo and Tequila Chugging.





At the conclusion of the debacle, the 700+ gentlemen present (all pillars of the Beatle Bar) patriotically volunteered to serve as Miss Clarita 2008 judges. With their discerning bloodshot, watery eyes, the judges ‘narrowed’ the field of 13 down to 4:

Sandra from Limon, Costa Rica


Isabelle from Medellin, Columbia


Sanna from Somewhere Finland


Dorothy from Hoax, Kansas




After continued drinking, further debate and more drinking, the judges remained hopelessly deadlocked. Overwhelmed by their impotency, the judges turned to the Great Decider for guidance. But he remained frozen to his bar stool choking on a pretzel!





Thus, in the finest tradition of Clarita’s World Famous Beach Bar, . . . . . . . . . . . . the contestants and Clarita’s cracked staff chased down the feeble judges and the mother of all brawls ensued.




Introducing The Last Person Standing;
The winner of $300.00;
The Recipient of a Key to Clarita’s Baño;
Miss Clarita 2008 ! ! !

Isabelle Christina Cardona
Medellin, Columbia


 
(Click here for Video highlights)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmQ8Mmq396Y

 


The Miss Clarita Contest is held every year before the Super Bowl to raise money for underprivileged school children in Jaco, Costa Rica. These children are in need of money to buy books, school clothes and shoes, knapsacks, paper and pencils and dictionaries. On Super Bowl Day 2008, through the generosity of Clarita's patrons, $500 was raised for the children. Clarita herself dug deep into her apron and threw in a matching $500. Thus $1000 was donated to disadvantaged school children in Jaco. Clarita and the children thank each and every contributor. Contributions are always accepted and appreciated at the front bar in Claritas.

 

Previous Post 11/15/07
 
Miss Clarita 2008 Is Coming----
What About You???
 
The 2008 Miss Clarita Contest will be held February 3, 2008, 2 hours before the start of the Super Bowl at……………….Where else?
 
Clarita’s World Famous Beach Bar
In Jaco, Costa Rica


Yes, 2 hours before Clarita’s 7 Superduper Large screen TVs broadcast the Super Bore, I mean Super Bowl, God’s best works of art will compete for the prestigious title----Miss Clarita, 2008.

Any woman 21 & older, from any part of the world, including Kansas, is eligible to enter this annual, once in a lifetime contest and possibly live her dream of becoming Miss Clarita.

The talented winner, will receive a $300 cash prize, all the cheap tequila she can drink and a 1 year pass to Clarita’s private baño. While the winner must pass a test for steroids, contestants may utilize plastic props.

Anything drinking or eating in Clarita’s Beach Bar on Feb. 3, 2008, will be allowed to vote for Miss Clarita 2008. The voting will be closely monitored by our special guest host:
 


If you think this is a contest that just exploits beautiful women----think again. Beauty will only make up 98% of the final score. Talent and intelligence will significantly comprise the rest of the scoring!

Warning: Ladies, please do not enter this contest unless you have the time commitment, fortitude and spirit to travel the world representing Clarita’s Infamous Beach Bar. Miss Clarita 2007 devoted 269 nights, touring 83 countries, preaching and practicing Clarita’s immortal mantra:        “Dun Worry… Be Happy”
 
Highlights of the 2007 Miss Clarita World Tour included:

Chaperoning Bill while Hillary is on the campaign trail.



Campaigning against steroid abuse



Encouraging peaceful relationships in the Middle East



Protesting for Democracy in Burma



Stimulating the best Putter in the world



Singing out for Women’s Rights



Two Queens sharing their thoughts on World Peace



And Finally. . . Receiving the Medal of Piece for her Fine Attributes


 
Miss Clarita 2007 is now ready to pass on her crown and weighty responsibilities to Miss Clarita 2008.

Will you be here to cast your vote. . . . . . or will you be home on your couch dreaming
“What if. . . . . . . ????”

 
GET WACO IN JACO AT CLARITAS ON
FEB.3, 2008

 
(This contest is proudly sponsored by The Schlitz Brewing Co. and Enron. The contest will be broadcast live on CNN in Saudi Arabia. The remainder of the world will be blacked out. This contest may not be reproduced without the express written consent of the National Football League and Clarita)
Previous Post 5/1/07
 
Results 2007 Miss Clarita Contest
Click for Video Highlights of Miss Clarita


Well as Clarita predicted, the 2007 Super Bowl was a real snorer. Da Bears fumbled and bumbled their way to the outhouse while the bland Colts waited for the title to drop into their laps.
 
Not so with the 2007 Miss Clarita Contest which preceded the alleged 'big' game.

Tens of thousands of onlookers lined Jaco beach in front of
 
Clarita's World Famous Beach Bar

munching on Clarita's tasty Butkus Burgers and Dickta Brats as the competition unfolded. They stood in "Shock and Awe", their lips frozen to cold Clarita Beer bottles, as the previously unknown Mayuri del Carmen Bone Lara from the tiny town of Leon Nicaragua made a furious late round charge and danced away with the title-Miss Clarita 2007! As the great communicator proclaimed to Maryuri and the crowd after the contest:

"Mayuri you has proved once again that miracles does happens at Clarita's World Famous Beach Bar in Yaco CostcoRico..."

For those of you who were not privileged to attend the contest and who missed its airing on CNN World News here are the highlights:






The contestants were a bundle of nerves as they entered Clarita's Beach Bar and signed away their boyfriends to enter the contest:
 
   


To settle their nerves, the first event involved enjoying one or more of Clarita's Tequila Hot Shots. Elena of Tarcoles Costa Rica dominated the Drinking event when she readied her shot glass with a special lubricant (before adding the salt):
 


After the contestants were feeling no pain they proceeded to the Race into the Pacific Ocean event (or as you gringos call it the Wet Tee Shirt Contest):
 




Then came the Limbo event where Kenya, Sandra & Arceli showed their agility:

{C}




Wet, soused and loose, the contestants stumbled onto the Dirty Dancing event. It was here that Mayuri began her grinding move(s) toward the head of the pack:
 
Click for Video Highlights of Miss Clarita




Finally, the last event. Miss Clarita is a position of dignity and of high responsibility. She must represent Clarita's infamous Beach Bar around the world, often meeting and conversing with Presidents, Prime Ministers, Kings, Sheiks, Dictators and Beer vendors. Therefore, Miss Clarita must have as much intelligence as she has beauty.

Thus the final event, the difficult Question and Answer session.
 


It was in this event that the 21 year old Mayuri shocked the World and blew away her competition:

The Question: If you are selected Miss Clarita and win the huge 1st Place Prize what will you do to further World Peace and Happiness?

Mayuri's Answer: "I will share my Booty with Everyone !"
 
OH There She Is......Miss Claritaaaaa....
 




The Miss Clarita Contest is held every year before the Super Bowl to raise money for the Jaco School for underprivileged children ages 4-6. The school is in desperate need of money to buy books, games and unfortunately even food for its young students. On this Super Bowl Day, through the generosity of Clarita's patrons, $400 was raised for the children. Clarita and the children thank each and every contributor. Contributions are always accepted and appreciated at the front bar in Claritas.

Following the contest, Miss Clarita 2007 visited the school and shared her time and your generosity with Jaco's finest:
 



{C} {C} {C} Previous Post 9/04/06
 
No, Really It's True !!!!!!
Clarita has come up with an antidote for those of you who feel guilty about having too much carefree fun and relaxation at her world famous establishment-- HIGH SPEED WIRELESS INTERNET

Now Clarita's guests can recapture that sick, queasy feeling in the pit of their stomachs by reading and sending E mails to their conniving business associates and whiney friends and family members back home, while still enjoying Clarita's cold brews, great food, spectacular sunsets and hot women- like Clarita.
 


And keeping with Clarita's tradition of getting fleeced by her guests---- Clarita's internet terminal is free for all hotel guests and for those hardy soles who GET WACO in Clarita's Bar & Grill. Warning!!! No Drinkee no free Internetee !!!!!
 
)


Clarita also offers free Spell Check for the Spelling Impared !
 
 
Previous Post 6/16/06
 
GET TOUCHED BY CLARITA

Let's face it, even in Paradise ( Jaco ) we've all had those real rough days and nights that leave us with pains that even a Double Bloody Mary and 4 Motrin won't wash away. You all know what I'm talking about:
 
 
    • The terrible hand and forearm pain from grabbing and lifting ice cold bottles and glasses over a prolonged period of time in Clarita's World Famous Beach Bar !
 
    • The devastating neck pain from trying to watch all the wonderous sights in Claritas World Famous Beach Bar and on Jaco Beach !
 
 
    • The stuffed, bloated feeling after finishing 3 Clarita Beer Brats, a kilo of Clarita Barbeque Ribs, or downing 2 bowls of Clarita's chilled Ceviche !
 
    • The unrelenting back pain from reeling in a 200lb Tuna for Clarita to grill up for dinner !
 
    • The irritating crotch soreness from riding down Clarita's Beach or up her Mountain !
 
    • The blinding headaches you get while trying to convert colones to dollars !
 
  • Or the pain shooting down your legs from standing hours on the street waiting for your husband or boyfriend to leave the Beatle Bar !
Well Clarita feels your pain and is ready and able to get you in shape for another tortuous Day or Night in Jaco with her now World Famous Clarita Massage !!!!

Yes, Clarita is now providing Professional Massages to those of you who are looking for a
Happy ....... Beginning to your Day !!!!!

$25.00 for 30 minute massage
$40.00 for a 1 hour massage


Join the thousands of beautiful people waiting in line to

Get Touched by Clarita
 
 
Previous Post 1/27/06

It has come to Clarita's attention that there are wimps out there (whose names will be withheld) who are afraid to come to Jaco, Costa Rica from May - October because…are you ready for this…they might get WET - like from the rain! Shame on You. Have you ever heard of an umbrella??

Or don't you know how to use one?
 


To alleviate your concerns, here are:
 
Clarita's Top Ten Reasons to Visit Jaco,Costa Rica from May - October:


No. 10   Clarita's rooms are cheaper: AC, ocean view rooms are only $70 per night and her non-AC rooms are $50.

No. 9   Clarita's shrimps, tuna steaks and lobsters are bigger, her beer is colder and it's cheaper.

No. 8   Airfare to Costa Rica is cheaper.

No. 7   The beaches, roads, national parks, rain forests and towns are less crowded, greener and it's cheaper.

No. 6   Chartered deep sea fishing is better and it's cheaper.
 


No. 5   The Pacific surf is bigger, has more breaks and it's cheaper.

No. 4   The temperature is a pleasant 80 instead of 90 degrees and it's cheaper.

No. 3   The bugs are smaller because there are less gringos to bite and they are cheaper.

No. 2   The Bushies are less likely to invade Costa Rica from May - October and it's cheaper.
 


No. 1   The women at the Beatle Bar have more time on their hands and they are-------------------------------------friendlier!

For those of you who are still hesitant, Clarita guarantees that it will not rain for more than 2 hours per day, if at all, May - October!!!

You doubt Clarita??? Suffice it to say that Clarita is not only a native Tica but also a renowned meteorologist (she often provides weather forecasts to her friends in NASA). Clarita puts her money where her mouth is and backs her ridiculous guarantee with the following promise:
 
Clarita hotel guests will receive a free appetizer
plate on any day of their stay from May 1 - October 31
that it rains for more than 2 hours
between 9:00 a.m. and 6:00 p.m
.


So now you have no more excuses.
 
GET WACO IN JACO AHORA!!!

 

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